1. If You’re Not Paddling Hard Enough, Ask Yourself Why

An obvious life metaphor one can take from the surfing world is not to give up when the “paddle out” is hard. It’s just after the break that the fun begins. That’s true. But a more important lesson for someone who is perfectly fit, a solid swimmer and more than capable of getting their paddle on is: Why aren’t you paddling as hard as you can to GET INTO the wave?

I made the effort to buy six surf boards, one for every possible condition, get surf racks put on my car, buy a wet-suit for every temperature change, suit up in rain or shine and get my butt in the water. I even went out after shark sightings, toxic rains, in the rain, overhead heavy surf where it was just me (a very clueless “kook,” a surfing term for someone who doesn’t have the foggiest idea of what they’re doing) and a lot of pros. It really seemed like I wanted it. I had the trappings of someone desperate to catch waves.

But often times I found myself paddling like I wasn’t sure. I’d be paddling for a wave, see it swelling up behind me, giving me the potential momentum for the ride of my life and I start to fear all the possible negative outcomes and stop paddling. That wave would end in the perfect ride … for someone else, the person who seized the opportunity and paddled like they really wanted it.

That experience pushed me to look at what areas in life I wasn’t paddling hard enough and why. That exercise was very revealing in the end and allowed me to make some great changes. Sometimes there is a very good reason and sometimes it is just plain fear of change, the unknown, failure, or even your own potential.

2. Attitude is Everything but Maybe There is More to It

No one has ever called me a great surfer (or even good) but they have called me brave. There is no bigger key to surfing than confidence and attitude. And some days you have it, some days you don’t. Your performance in the water is directly related to your attitude and your ability to block out all the noise in your head. It’s the difference between a great surf or a frustrating one.

I still remember a day when I went out after just learning to surf. I never felt confident in the water but technically I could surf. I didn’t grow up on the beach and my usual routine was to paddle as fast as I could past the break where the waves were uncatchable and wait until I knew for sure a smaller set was coming. I remember feeling so frustrated as everyone caught waves and I just watched. Later that week, I went out feeling on top of the world for other reasons and had the best surf ever. A guy yelled over to me “Hey, you’re a wave Hoover.” He meant I was catching a lot of waves, and he probably wanted me to give someone else a turn.

Usually I would have felt bad, but it was my first time ever catching this many waves. It was like a light switch turned on and I just couldn’t do anything wrong. My ability level didn’t magically change, but my attitude had. That day I paddled out feeling like I could do anything and that was all it took. I felt decisive, my timing was perfect, and my rhythm was right on. The cliché that attitude is everything is too obvious. But it is taking advantage of those moments when you do feel inspired and you can conquer all. Which leads me to my next moment of Zen.

3. “Sometimes all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage. Just literally 20 seconds of just embarrassing bravery and something great will come of it.” –Benjamin in “We Bought a Zoo.”

It’s a great life motto, and it couldn’t be more true on the surfboard. In surfing 20 seconds is the time it takes to see a wave welling up on the horizon, assess your competition, estimate how big it will be when it reaches you, turn your board and paddle like crazy. The decision has to be made before you know exactly what you are getting yourself into. That wave can wall up faster than you think and you can get caught on the inside of the set, which means taking that one and probably several others on the head. The wave can be twice the size you thought it was going to be. You could just miss your takeoff and get pitched over the falls. But when your intuition takes over and you judge the situation just right there is no better ride out there.

Off the surfboard and in the real world, those 20 seconds can translate into a decision to move cities, to quit your job, to start a business, or to ask someone out on a date. The wisdom is in knowing you don’t feel invincible or brave 24/7 so carpe diem when you do.

4. You Can Train Yourself to Take Risks

Some people are natural risk takers. Some are more risk averse, but surfing has taught me you can actually train yourself to take greater risks. Risks provide a platform to propel you out of your comfort zone to either a new level of achievement or a new vantage point. In surfing you have no choice. Every time you enter the ocean, you battle fear of something, hypothetical or real: Huge waves, Sharks (the capital S is intentional), a leash getting wrapped around your leg or worse — your neck, a fin slashing a body part, a wave pinning you under for what feels like an eternity. No matter what happens when you are out in the water you arrive back at shore feeling a little stronger and more prepared each time to take bigger and bigger risks. Slowly those fears dissipate and comfort levels increase. Your threshold of tolerance for the unknown increases, opening you up to bigger and better waves. Back on shore, taking small risks that prepare you for bigger ones can also lead to the ride of a lifetime if you are able to conquer your fear even if its just stretching yourself a little bit at a time.

5. You Got This, But Some Outraged Pride Never Hurts:

Now Bali is not a typically a destination for novice surfers. It is known to be heavy, fast, male dominated and territorial. Was it a 12-foot surf? Yes it was. Was I wearing a purple one-piece? Yes. Did I have a bubble-gum pink board? Yes. Was it a 7-foot hybrid not ideal for these conditions? Sure. (Most boards on a day like this are tiny short boards that can slice under heavy surf so you can avoid being dragged a mile back to shore to start with, but I digress).

Did I look like a “kook”? Granted. Was I still a kook? Not completely. Nothing about my look was hard-core. But, I clawed my way past the break and about 10 local surfers are looking at me rolling their eyes. All men. One guy actually makes the effort to paddle over to me and give me a warning about what a dangerous rip current there was and that I should paddle over the to the side to be safe. His buddy thought to add that the surf was really big and heavy,” as if I clearly had not discerned that on my own. Translation: “You look like you could really get in our way of catching world class surf, and today is pretty epic for waves, and you should paddle to a spot where you have no chance of getting any waves and crashing into us with your semi-longboard, which is totally ridiculous in these conditions. And on top of it all you’re a chick and probably think looking cute on your board is good enough.” So I thanked them and remained right where I was, seething but suddenly super motivated. I instantly wanted to prove something to these strangers who I would never see again. Suddenly my pride was greater than my fear of being in over my head.

Like magic, the set of the day appeared behind me. Normally I would wait for a later wave in the set to avoid getting pummeled by subsequent waves but this time I went for the first. At this point I had the ability to catch bigger ways and had conquered a lot of my previous fear about the ocean. But this wave was huge. I paddled hard and didn’t look back, and the next thing I knew I heard both feet hit my board and I was riding the biggest wave of my life. Next, I even heard cheering, whistling, clapping (it was real, not imagined).

The following day I paddled out to the same spot but the swell had died. A guy looked over and said, “Hey, you’re the girl everyone was talking about in the Warung (local Bali bar) last night.” I was baffled. “Are you sure it was me?” He said, “I’m sure, purple suit, pink board and the wave of the day.” OK I admit it, I glowed/gloated for a week. The power of alchemy hit me. Motivation wherever and however you can get it is an amazing and rare gift. Emotions typically labeled as negative can be transmuted to produce positive outcomes. We will always experience anger, pride, but instead of stewing in self destructive emotions we can find ways to use them to our benefit. Would I ever have caught have wave if those other guys weren’t utterly convinced that I couldn’t? Hell no.